This is my page so I can cry if I want to right?! Good.
Things have been poopy.Waiting to hear back from a job in AK, to pass the time. I want to be strong for Ty if he ever needs me so I have to get my self together.
We are trying to get relocated. Please cont. praying for us. AK is too isolated for people like us, its beautiful and we have met some great people and done some wild things, but we think it's time to go, I hope God feels the same way about that.
Along with meeting some great people... we have met horrible icky ones. I have never met so many girls who live off of drama. I thought "you know, it cant be MOST army wives"... well it is. They mess up your words to make you look like the bad person when you did absolutely nothing wrong! These mean girls do not care if they jump from friend to friend or sit at home without any, as long as they caused drama in some one else's life. Its pretty bad. For that reason, I don't want to consider my self an Army Wife. I strongly disagree with what the Army does to men and puts them and their families through when they do not have too. But I will be behind and support my husband 100% while he is in- that too me is a good army wife... lets just say a good wife.
I'm sick of people taking advantage of Ty and I. Just because we have our shit together and have a home does not mean you are welcome to stay, trash the house, bring anyone home with you and so on. There is even drama amongst the people in our apartment! IT'S EVERYWHERE! Then we had ELEPHANTS basically move in above us, or that's what they sound like when they walk. Oh and not to mention they are stealing our Internet...so our bill is HUGE... awesome right?! I JUST LOVE PEOPLE.
I have been in the E.R. twice now for my anxiety (this is in 1 1/2 weeks) and they do not do one damn thing for you. They made me stay there for 2 days. They could not find me a doctor for 2 weeks +, when I got out the told me to go see this counsiler, this lady told me to go to the reg. doc to get my med's fixed, that doctor couldnt do it, so told me to get my 4th refferal and they are going to send that IN THE MAIL!? When some suffers from anxiety/depression you can not wait for you meds to be changed. NO. If a person were sucidal, what are they going to tell them, oh just hold up on killing your self until your referral comes in the mail 2-3 weeks later and then hold on again while we schedual an appoitment 2-3 more weeks later.
To hell with the army. I am still very mad and hold a grudge on the person who lied to us about life and what the military was like. No one should ever paint such a pretty picture when not one thing they said were true.
I want to live with my husband in a normal state, living and loving life with our families at least a 300$ plane ticket away, because its isolation and impossible.
I have never prayed for something so hard in my life. I have never asked myself and God so many questions.
I have been home (Kansas) for 5 days now. Its nice to be able to see everyone you no and take a deep breath again. Its nice to see green, I never knew how beautiful flat land, dandelions, and my neighborhood were. I never knew how blessed I should be for living, growing up, and experencing my life in this wonderful world of Johnson County. Ya never would of thought that you would miss the high matinenced biatches of Johnson County... but after living around homeless people and just plain trashy people after a while, you don't mind a lady bumping into you who thinks she is better than you at the store any more. Go ahead and bump into me, YOUR CLEAN AND FROM KASNAS I COULD JUST HUG YOU.
Yes, it will be cool to tell our kids we lived in AK some day, but we are ready for that journey to be over, and for it to be best somewhere else. I'm tell ya, I dont care if we live in Oregon (I know nothing about that state) anything is better than in the middle of no where that feels like a different country... (while my husband is fighting for the USA, we dont even feel like WE LIVE IN THE USA!)
WOOF, that felt good to vent. Please say all the prayers you can handle for us to get out of there and closer to the ones who matter like our friends and most of all, our families!
I am ready to be happy again... I am ready to move and never go back to Alaska. Im ready to feel excited about decorating an apartment because I know people will actually come over and see it...
Prayers are the most needed right now, so please pray. I have tried to find the good in all of this, and have... but now its time to just be somewhere happily... and some where not isolated and little and far far far away...