Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Im clicking my heals together Dorothy....
Well its October - I cant believe it.
September flew by since I have been working at Bed Bath and Beyond. I am super blessed to be working with such great people, its almost like I have joined a family.
This past month has been VERY rough. The roughest yet. Week 1 of Sept. I started my job and found out that Ty was moved back to his company. That was a horrible day, yet that day he was switched back so I felt like I over reacted for nothing. Second week I just had a lot of my plate that is personal. Week 3 the customers at work were just plain MEAN and I worked everyday with them. Its amazing because you go to work so happy and are so nice to these strangers and I believe some of these people are on a mission to bring you down. I try not to let them ruin my day but after 5 horrible people in a row, its pretty hard (even for miss smiles over here). That week we also got news *good* for once that our paperwork had been turned into its final step. They would have 30 days to take our paperwork in front of a panel to say yes or no to the move. Well this week and next is when we should find out. So many thoughts are running through my head. I am very anxious = horrible. I just want the GOOD word. This week I have been sick and on top of that Ty got moved back to his company AGAIN and its upsetting. I usually am like "Well God you want this for a reason" and I usually know and see he is doing it for the good but this time, after everything piling up, last night when I found out - I was mad at God. I dont understand. I feel like we took one huge step forward and now a million back... I love Him so much but I dont get some of these "tests". I am sure I will in the future and I am sure its to show me how strong I can be, but after all this time here in Alaska and dealing with the army b.s. I want like a month off of being strong. Or a month off of having to be as strong. If they say you get to go, so much will be taken off my shoulders. I will be able to breathe again. . . You truly dont know what its like to feel like your not able to breathe or think or everything will get jumbled in your head and it goes down hill from there. But I am not sure what will happen if we are denied. I dont even want to think or talk about that even though its constantly on my mind.
I want my dog.
I want my husband to be able to see his family since its almost been a year... I want to see them more than anything to and for us to meet our new nephew Jett and see how much our niece Callie has grown.
I want a bonfire for my birthday like we usually do with my family.
I want to see and hug each of my family members and tell them I'm home.
I want to do everything with my mom... I dont even care if its grocery shopping, I just want to go somewhere with her and no that I dont have to say bye for months at a time.
I want to tell my little cousins when the next time I will be able to see them and come to their games.
I would like to just have a date to tell people we will come visit! Or see games, or do anything!
I want to be in a normal state where they have Five Guys, Victorias Secrete, Chipolte and Olive Garden.
I want to see cows and flat land and corn growing.
I want my husband and I to have a chance to live semi normally.
and most of all..... I am really saying this.... I want so badly to be in school kicking butt, doing what I do.
I pray that October and God mostly, gives me hope for all of this, and I pray all of this can come true and happen. I pray that October will be the best birthday month of my life...
20th birthday - didnt get to be with Ty </3
21st birthday - went to Ft. Benning to see Ty in basic and he was so so so sick with strep (and of course I got it a week later) ... not complaining cuz I got to see him... =)
I want one of my 20's birthdays to be extraordinary! And I want it to be this one, my 22nd birthday. Please God... hear all of our prayers...
"Click your heals together 3 times and say 'There's no place like home'". Come on Glenda!